Preventing Loneliness During the Holidays
This is the second time I will go through the Holiday Season without my husband, Dennis, who passed away from Alzheimer’s in May of 2021. Sometimes called “the holiday blues,” people of all ages and especially those who have experienced a recent loss find November through January to be their loneliest time of year.Some people don't need a lot of social interaction to be happy and healthy. Others
may have contact with friends and family members all the time and still feel alone.
Loneliness happens when we feel socially isolated, and it can have a powerful impact on our mental health.
As I write this, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. My kids are still getting used to the idea that I might be alone if I’m not with them.It’s mostly up to me to make plans that will help to keep loneliness at bay. We all should give ourselves permission to feel sad, but also think about strategies that could make us feel better. Here are some things that helped me last year and some other ideas that I’m considering.
Maintain Family Traditions - With a Twist
Thanksgiving: For years I have had a baking day the day before Thanksgiving where the main objective was to teach any interested grandkids to make pie crust and twice-raised rolls. The two oldest granddaughters have become experts who now help the younger ones. My only concern with continuing this activity is that it’s harder for me to be on my feet for as long as I used to be able to. I’m making a plan that spreads out the meal preparation so that I don’t have to do all the baking on one day, but I can still have the kids over.
Last Thanksgiving, I realized how much Dennis had helped me, even when he was unable to plan ahead and had to be directed to do things like help with cleanup. I also realized that he had played a big part in keeping our younger grandkids happy and occupied while the other adults were helping with the dinner, the cleanup and even talking amongst ourselves. The kids got restless without their Papa there. This year I’ll ask my sons to take turns devoting their attention to them for at least part of the time.
Reach Out to Others Who Might be Lonely, Too
Before Christmas last year, when a group of women at church were talking about the holidays, I said I had decided not to put up a Christmas tree in my downstairs family room, because I had no one to do it with and maybe onlyI would see it. A woman who was merely an acquaintance said, “You must have a Christmas tree! I will come and help you decorate it!” She was very insistent, so I decided to be a gracious receiver and accept her offer.
The day she came she brought one of her young daughters with her, and the three of us had a great time decorating my artificial tree. I found that I really did enjoy having it in its usual place, and I had the lights on quite a bit while I was watching TV in that room. This year I’ll be proactive and be the one to invite someonewho might be lonely, too, over to help me decorate the tree.
You may feel lonely when surrounded by people, but it’s harder to feel lonely when you’re reaching out to them or volunteering your time for a worthy cause.
Create New Rituals Honoring Those You Miss
On Christmas Eveour family has a big dinner, a costumed enactment of the Nativity Story from Luke & Matthew, and a talent show. I directed the costumed participants and Dennis read the related Scriptures. Knowing that his loss would leave a big hole in this tradition, before the big day I asked our oldest son to assume that role. He took the assignment seriously and did
a great job. Everyone accepted that he was following in his father’s footsteps.
For our part on the talent show, it was a tradition for Dennis and me to sing “It’s the Holiday Season” with actions and
Santa hats. I knew everyone would miss that, so I asked the younger grandchildren
if they would sing the song with me. They readily agreed and were willing to practice before the big day. I knew that everyone would think they were so cute that
they would probably see doing the song this way as an improvement. I already have the kids’ enthusiastic approval to sing with me again this year.
Make the Effort to be with Friends and Family on Christmas Day
On Christmas Day we left home early enough to be with our four youngest grandchildren as they got up and saw what Santa brought them. When all their gifts were opened, we visited our three other SLC families individually to exchange gifts and see what Santa brought them. Last yearI made the circuit myself. This year Christmas Day visits are going to be a bit trickier to arrange, becauseChristmas falls on a Sunday. Everyone in the family agrees that being in church is a good idea, but I won’t be able to be there first thing in the morning when the youngest grandkids open their presents like I was last year. Most of my visits with family will have to be in the afternoon.It will be up to me to schedule who I can see when, but I know it will make my day happier to do it.
This December, I’ve invited friends to go with me to the Kurt Bestor Christmas Show, the Utah Symphony, and the Eccles Theater. I’m having the church choir I direct over for a pot-luck dinner and singing. Without Dennis, I’ll need some help setting up the furniture, but I’m not afraid to ask. I’ll go to two other scheduled church parties and a Christmas program. I’m still working on asking someone to go with me to those.
Reach Out via Technology to Others Who Can’t be with You
Our daughter and husband, their two children and our only great grandson live in Indiana, so I’ll get together with them via a Zoom meeting. You might also have out-of-town family or friends that you could connect with. Various apps can help all family members be together virtually, for at least part of the day.
Stick to Healthy Habits
Over-the-top expectations and an “I want to do it all” attitude can bring on a lot of stress. We’re all advised to simplify routines and modify traditions to reduce stress. Startby making a list of chores and then eliminating those that aren’t truly necessary. It helps if we can maintain a healthy diet, and we don't let cold weather keep us from being active. When it's too cold to be outside,find exercises you can do in the house or go to a gym. Exercise is a proven mood booster and listening to Christmas music or watching a Holiday TV Show while I do it helps my mood, too.
Leave Some Time for Solitude and Quiet Reflection
Sometimes solitude can be a good thing. It is choosing to be alone. I hope that this Christmas evening I’ll have time to build a fire and watch Christmas Specials while I recuperate from the day and reflect on Christmases past. Keep yourself busy if thathelps, or find quiet moments and make them comfortable and cozy. Then congratulate yourself for making it through another holiday season on your own.
Sources:
Holiday Loneliness: Why It Happens and What to Do About It (webmd.com)
30 Tips for Coping With Loneliness During the Holidays (choosingtherapy.com)
Loneliness: How to Cope During the Holiday Season (verywellmind.com)