When is Age Just a Number?
“Age is just a number” is a common saying among seniors. It’s said to us and by us.
It’s sometimes meant to encourage us to do things we think we’re “too old to do,”
or to justify things we are doing that others think people of a certain age really
are too old to do. It can refer to the way we dress, the people we associate with,
the places we travel, the cars we drive, the things that are still on our bucket list,
ETC.
Let’s Go Somewhere!
I’ve written about it before so it’s no secret that I’m currently 79. I recently returned
from a six-day trip to San Diego with my son who is about to turn 50. When he wondered
aloud what he could do with the two weeks he had between jobs, I said enthusiastically,
“Let’s go somewhere!” In just eight days we were on our way—plane tickets paid for
with Delta points and a great hotel rate from a connection my son has.
During our stay, we drove to Newport Beach to visit an 88-year-old who has been a family friend for more than 50 years. For at least the past 10 years, he has suffered from a neurological disease that was first diagnosed as Parkinson’s, then ALS, then PLS and back to “We don’t know.” It has left him mostly paralyzed and unable to do almost no self-care.
Fortunately, our friend can afford 24/7 in-home care, he is still sharp and has his sense of humor. He can only speak in a whisper, but we “talked” for about an hour and shared a lunch that was fed to him. He didn’t complain about his illness once and said he will look forward to my return visit in October. For him, neither his age nor his illness makes him want to stop living. I would say that for him, “Age is just a number.”
I’m Too Old and It’s Too Much Trouble!
On the other hand, my female friend of 20-plus years who is 13 years younger than
me, has declared that she is “too old” and it’s “too much trouble” to travel. Until
about six years ago, every summer we went on a girls’ trip to southern California
or shorter getaways to Park City and St. George until she had to stay home to take
care of her aging mother, who passed away four years ago.
I’ve given up trying to convince her to leave home with me now that she can. When I protest her excuses, citing our age difference and her good health, she says, “Well, you’re a ‘young’ old woman.” For her, age is a number that is keeping her in a new “comfort zone” that she doesn’t want to leave.
Age Is Not an Excuse.
When my dad received a personal phone call from Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, asking him to serve as a Temple President
in Brazil, he protested, “President, I’m 81 years old!” President Hinckley replied,
“Well, I’m 91,” implying age was not an excuse. Dad and his second wife accepted the
request and returned to Brazil for his fifth three-year term of service and her second.
When she died after six years of marriage, Dad married for the third time at age 86.
When he died at age 97, he thought he could still drive, but “My kids took my car
away.” For him, age was definitely just a number.
At age 76 my husband was diagnosed with both Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. A social worker at the U. of U. Neurological Department told me that he “won’t know what he doesn’t know.” This proved to be true. He was also told that because of his PhD and careers as a professor and a writer, he would have lots of “work-arounds” that could give him up to 10 more good years.
Just five months before he died, he wrote an Op-Ed piece that was published in the
Tribune. I had to format and send in the document because, even though he could still
write on a computer, he couldn’t follow the steps to do those things. Dennis said,
“If I can do this, maybe I don’t have Alzheimer’s!” Until a
stroke two months later began his swift decline, five days a week he drove the one
mile to the gym. He was determined to stay as healthy and as active as he could, despite
the growing list of things he couldn’t do. At 82, age was just a number and Alzheimer’s
did not define who he was.
My Number is 100!
I tell everyone that I want to live to be 100, especially if I can still read. My
ophthalmologist recently told me that I “will die” before I need to have a corneal
transplant for my Fuchs’ Corneal Dystrophy because it is progressing so slowly. I
guess that’s good news, although I don’t think he knows how long I intend to live.
The only other health problem that I’m aware of is some arthritis in my lower back
and hips. Exercise and Tylenol keep me relatively pain-free. At my age, I know my
health could turn on a dime, but as you can see, I have some good role models who
are inspiring me in what to do and even what not to do to make my next 20.5 years
worth living.
On my way home through San Diego airport security a handsome, TSA officer with white hair told those of us within hearing distance that “Anyone over two has to take their shoes off.” I looked him in the eye and said, “I’m 79. I don’t have to take my shoes off.” (The rule includes anyone 75 and over.) He smiled back at me and gave me a compliment by saying, “Don’t lie to a Federal Officer!” He didn’t ask to “card” me, but it was still a highlight of my day. If I have anything to say about it, more spontaneous trips to the beach and other adventures will continue to fill my life because, after all, age IS just a number!